Relationships can be hard for anyone but my experience with my ex-husband was more than that, it was terrifying. On the outside you can notice warning signs but when it is happening to you its hard to detect or even believe, so let's start from the beginning.. (TRIGGER WARNING: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND DRUG USE)
My first real love, its supposed to be MAGICAL ✨, right? well it was when I met my now ex-husband we had fun but moved extremely fast. I was about to turn 18 years old when we met and we used to be all over each other and just couldn't be away for long periods of time. We had gotten engaged after dating for 6 months then shortly became pregnant which looking back I'm pretty sure I was pregnant already when he proposed. Things were great but overtime became hard, we fought all the time because of girls and his abuse for drugs and alcohol. I wanted better but he liked doing his own thing and not being questioned which caused him to become more furious and become more distant especially when intoxicated. I had never been exposed to someone who acted like that so it was very new to me and didn't take it so much as a threat since he would only get violent when he wasn't sober and he didn't just attack me but his brothers too. It took a lot of patience and endurance when I should've left from the start either way that isn't what happened. I stayed, got married and had a beautiful little girl out of it. Was my life traumatic? Absolutely, did I try to make it work for the sake of my marriage and child? Yes! Let me tell you don't ever stay for those reasons because it does get worse and over the course of 2-3 years it did for me, he became worse. More frightening and disrespectful, he would stalk me and never let me move on even when he was cheating and continuing his drug and alcohol use, he only cared about himself. I fought for a long time to save him but came to the conclusion they unfortunately cannot be saved especially when they are not ready to. At one point he tried to take our child from me when we were signing to have the agreement we made which made me not trust him anymore especially because he originally didn't want to meet with my lawyer, so I had to take legal matters in my hands and hoped it would stick this time around as I had gone through the process before. It didn't, he continued his harassment and kept tabs on me so he said and paid people to tell him information. He would show up unannounced to my new home and tell me all the time he is watching me, I still saved all the messages and screenshots as a reminder to stay away. Do I wish things would've been different for us or our child? I think about it everyday and wish he would've gotten the help he needed a long time ago because I suffered PTSD and severe anxiety from him choking me and everything in between that I never got the help for until I met my now husband. I just wanted my ex to be calm and normal but he let his emotions and intoxicated mind take over. My daughter is now 9 years old and the last time she saw him she was 2 years old, and it breaks my heart till this day especially that throughout his time of reaching out he was getting arrested on charges I couldn't even believe. Things were supposed to go differently but they didn't and I have to stay positive because guess what she didn't witness the stuff he would've put her through and I'm pretty damn proud of myself. I don't know what happened to the guy I thought I knew but I hope one day he gets his act together for the sake of our child. He owes it to her and himself to be a better person. It has taken me a long time and a lot of therapy to let go and make peace.
Please don't ever let a child or you being scared hinder you from getting help and letting people know what is going on it took years for me to get over this and I know I have a long road ahead, the pain won't ever go away but you can start getting peace. Trust me because I went through tons of emergency phone calls for me to get one piece of paper (restraining order) to get him to stay away. Tell your family, friends, co workers and anyone who will listen. Have a code word and get out as soon as you can for your safety. You matter and you to can get through this!
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